Thursday, May 24, 2007

Back from California

Well, I'm back from California, and not at all happy about it. Sigh. This was the first time in ages I managed to just relax and enjoy myself for five entire days without letting the stress of real life intrude upon my fun. :) I actually swam in the ocean and laid out on the beach without worrying what I looked like in a bathing suit. (Thanks in part to my son, Bryan, who threw me fully clothed into the water, because I originally WAS worried about that) I went five whole days without obsessively checking my email. I didn't even THINK about all the edits I have to finish, or the new book that was going so well and has now hit a brick wall. I ignored all the family and financial stresses that have been dragging me down lately and just lived in the moment. It was fantastic, and got me thinking about all I miss out on because I am constantly worrying about everything that is happening, everything that MIGHT happen, everything I've forgotten to do, or just simply don't have time for. Much as I love my kids, my husband, my new writing career, my full time job as a police dispatcher and part time one as an editor, I'm so far over my head I'm never going to dig myself out. There are always ten things I have to juggle or triage and sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. But what do I sacrifice? Where do I make those cuts so that I occasionally get the chance to have some fun and lay on the beach? Sometimes I really want to quit my job and just concentrate on the writing, but I did that once and found that I don't have enough self-discipline. LOL I seem to be the most creative when I'm under pressure, and I find that the constant drama and interaction with the public helps fuel my muse. So I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing until my head explodes!

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